There are a number of ways in which people hurt those around them, and it is useful to recognise if these are behaviours you may be carrying out.

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Have you hurt your partner in any of the following ways:

  • Calling them names
  • Shouting at them
  • Smashing things
  • Criticising them
  • Making threats to harm them or yourself
  • Making threats of any kind
  • Checking up on them (emails, texts, phone, Facebook)
  • Driving recklessly in order to scare them
  • Finding fault with their parenting

These are all examples of emotional abuse.

  • Punching
  • Hitting
  • Pushing
  • Kicking
  • Choking
  • Stopping them leaving
  • Using weapons against them.

These are all examples of physical abuse.

  • Pressuring them to have sex or take part in sexual activities that they’re not comfortable with
  • Sulking if you can’t have sex
  • Touching them or taking explicit pictures of them without their consent
  • Making them watch pornography

These are all examples of sexual abuse.

  • Withholding money
  • Making financial decisions without consulting them.
  • Restricting the money they spend.
  • Making them account for every penny.

These are all examples of financial abuse.

Or, after separation, have you been:

  • Stalking, harassing by text/email/Facebook
  • Waiting in places you know they’ll be
  • Ignoring requests to leave them alone
  • Unreliable about child contact
  • Withholding child support

These are all examples of post-separation abuse. Do you recognise any of the excuses you've been making?

  • “They wind me up”
  • “I lost control”
  • “It was only a slap”
  • “It’s six of one and half a dozen of the other”
  • “I’m not a violent person”
  • “It’s because I had a difficult childhood”

All behaviour is a choice and you can make different choices. Do you treat your colleagues in the same way as you treat your partner? Would you act the same way in public as you do in private?


Want to get help for your behaviour?

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Learn more about the Programme       

If you want to talk to someone right now about your behaviour you can always call the Respect Phoneline on 0808 8024040. It is free from most landlines and mobile phones. An advisor will be there to listen and help. More details are on their website.

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