We’re proud to announce a new partnership with online shop Bondara to promote safe, healthy, and happy sex lives.
We sat down with the lovely folks from TLC: Talk, Listen, Change, to learn all about sex therapy.
We discussed why people need this service, what to expect from a session and how it benefits intimacy. Plus, we talk about TLC’s project to provide 1,000 sex therapy sessions to low-income households.
Read the full interview below!
We got Polly Sangar, Relationship and Psychosexual Therapist at TLC, to teach us all about it; “Its full name is psycho-sexual therapy, and it’s a structured programme that deals specifically with sexual problems or dysfunctions”. Polly outlined, “The psychological element is important as it can have a massive impact. We look at the problem and the person(s) as a whole, holistically.”
You don’t need to be in a relationship to go to sex therapy either; this is something you can do for yourself. “As individuals, we are sexual persons; we have sex with ourselves before entering into sex with another person. So it’s helpful to understand ourselves before entering into sex with another person.”
She also broke down why an individual or couple might decide to attend sessions. “In its crudest nutshell, it’s: ‘Can’t get it in, can’t get it out, can’t get it up, or gone off it’. So, that covers the basis of thinking around dysfunction.”
“We can prevent ourselves from engaging in sex by overthinking it and by being really hard on ourselves or on our partner.”
Don’t panic! Just because you’re having issues in the bedroom, doesn’t necessarily mean you need this style of therapy.
“We first start with an assessment to see if it’s appropriate”, Polly explains. “For example, some couples might come in asking for sex therapy, but then it’ll become apparent that the issue’s root is in communication. The sexual dysfunction is just a by-product of that.”
“If someone comes to us and the rest of the relationship is really good, everything’s fine, but they just can’t nail sex, that’s when sex therapy would be suitable.”
Once it’s decided which support is best for you, your therapist gets a complete sexual history. This can include:
“It’s a full exploration. It is really important to the process because there might not be an arousal or desire disorder. It might just be that they’re not enjoying the sex on offer in their relationship anymore.”
If you decide to start therapy as part of a couple, these discussions are done separately, so there is time for each partner to focus on themselves. “We do a formulation and put all that information back together. So, it breaks down everything that seems to be a factor in the issue and then works out a tailor-made treatment plan.”
No Shirt, No Shoes, No Service
Polly wanted to clarify that these appointments are solely about therapy; “Nobody gets naked in the therapy room. It’s talking with exercises to try at home. That feedback then informs the next session, which in turn informs the next stage of the process.“
How Does It Benefit Intimacy?
So how does this all benefit your sex life? “It’s a total breakdown of all the preconceived stuff around sex, identity and expectations.” Starting fresh and discussing expectations ensures you’re on the same page as your partner. “We want to rebuild intimacy and an idea of self from a more understanding, better place.”, Polly elaborated.
While relationship status doesn’t matter, Polly did want to reiterate how positive the appointments can be for long-standing couples.
“It can be really helpful for longer-term relationships, as it allows them to have that open and honest conversation without feeling rejected or hurt.”
The at-home activities set by TLC therapists are about getting couples out of their heads and into their bodies. Polly told us, “The exercises promote sensations and feeling because that’s where good sex happens.”
She also broke down how the exercises work and how they inform the whole process. “We’ll bring partners in and ask what they like so that they’re led by their own interest. It’s about letting people be free to explore their own wants and needs and then bringing that together and seeing how it fits.” And despite the name, the emphasis isn’t on having sex. It’s about connecting to yourself and your partner on a sensual, emotional level.
“We want people to practice being in the moment, how things feel, and getting in touch with the senses rather than going, “Oh, what do I look like right now? Do I look like an idiot?”
The homework aims to start very basically and slowly build up, giving the clients as much control as possible over pacing. “We start from zero and build it up really, really slowly. The start of the touch exercises is not about looking for pleasure but about curiosity. So, we’re changing the focus of what we’re bringing to the practices and helping people develop a new connection with themselves and their partners.”
