Alex’s story

We started by using Alex’s initial 10 sessions to explore his history and discuss with him his capacity and motivation to change. Alex had faced homophobia from peers, parents, and relatives growing up, as well as physical abuse from his father. He said he didn’t want to continue the cycle.

Alex identified as a gay man, and the ways in which he exerted control over John involved behaviours that required specific, inclusive interventions. His behaviours included secrecy and restriction around being in certain social spaces, and the heightened monitoring of his partner’s behaviour so not to “out” them as a gay couple.

Throughout his 35 weeks of structured one-to-one support, we explored Alex’s behaviours in the context of shame associated with internalised homophobia. Like many people we work with, it was initially difficult for Alex to take accountability for his abuse, despite knowing his actions hurt John. He found it difficult maintaining honesty and managing self-pity.

Eventually, Alex acknowledged that he feels he must maintain control over the people around him. He suggested that perhaps due to his earlier years, having as much control as possible made him feel safe. We acknowledged that this would be an ongoing area of risk and factored it into how we supported John.

At the end of the programme, Alex had managed to reduce controlling behaviours, and demonstrated an improved understanding of consent, respect, and boundaries. He showed a clear awareness of whatconstituted abuse and a reduction in abuse towardsJohn.

We did periodic check-ins with John after Alex finished the programmes, and John made no further disclosures of abuse.