The benefits of child inclusive mediation

Divorce , break up, and legal separation can be a confusing time for children, and they don’t always have a way to freely express their wishes and feelings.

Parents often worry that including children in mediation is ‘putting them in the middle’ or ‘dragging them into things’, but it has been found to have a hugely positive effect on the child. Child-inclusive mediation allows young people to speak to an independent and impartial person so they can have their voices heard.

This can lead to a better understanding of your child’s thoughts and feelings and, ultimately, to better child arrangements.

By involving them in mediation, you’re not only giving your child a voice, but also empowering them. This can be particularly important during a time when they may feel they have no say in their future. It’s a way to give them a sense of control and involvement in the decisions that will shape their lives.

Starting child inclusive mediation

During your mediation information assessment meeting, also known as a MIAM, your mediator will outline the basics of child inclusive mediation. During your joint sessions the mediator may raise this as an option to discuss.

Your mediator will ask you some questions to help them assess whether child inclusive mediation is being considered for the right reasons. These might include:

• How you’ll use your child’s feedback to inform child arrangements
• That you’ll agree to respect your child’s views
• Confirm that you understand your child’s rights

What happens in child inclusive mediation?

If you and your ex-partner agree during a joint mediation session that you’d like your child to have the opportunity to express their wishes or feelings, the mediator will ask you a few questions about the child and about arrangements to meet with them.

Is child inclusive mediation worth it?

In most cases, involving the child in the mediation process has a positive effect. You may find the feedback challenging, but in our experience, the process usually leads to more transparent communication and understanding within families. For many kids, this is the first time their voices have been heard since their parents’ breakup.

Where does child inclusive mediation take place?

We have in-person and online options 

In person 

We have the following mediation stations across the Northwest and North Wales and will add more to our network in the coming months: 

If you don’t see your location here, please get in touch with us and we’ll arrange a venue that’s convenient for you.  

Call: 0161 872 1100  

Email: [email protected] 

Online 

We provide online mediation sessions if this would be better suited to your child(ren).  

Will I be present at my child’s mediation sessions?

Your child will be seen in a separate room or online, with just the mediator present. 

How much does child mediation cost?

You can read more about mediation fees and funding, here.

Both legal aid and the government voucher can be used for child inclusive mediation. 

What is the age limit for child inclusive mediation?

We work with children from age 7 upwards. It’s felt that the older the child, the more input they should have in plans for their future, so it should always be considered if a child is over 10 years old. 

Is the mediator specially trained to deal with children?

Rest assured, a family mediator must have completed a specialist course to see your child in mediation. This training equips them with the correct procedures to follow, ensuring they are fully qualified to help your family.  

Your child inclusive mediator is deeply committed to safeguarding your child. Their main priority is to protect them, and they’ll go above and beyond to ensure a safe and comfortable environment for your child to express themselves.  

Will the mediator ask my child who they want to live with?

Mediators would never ask a child to choose between parents but offer a safe space to talk about what is happening in their family and what is important to them. Research suggests that children don’t want to be put in the position of having to make decisions that might be seen to favour one parent. The mediator will ask open questions to determine their wishes and feelings. 

Will I be told what my child has said?

If your child decides to meet with the mediator, they will agree on what is to be fed back to  you as parents or guardians at the next session. This will give you valuable information when making decisions throughout the agreement for your child. 

The feedback session with you as parents is a crucial part of the process and should happen as soon as possible after your child’s meeting. We typically arrange for this to be the next day, making sure you’re promptly informed and involved in your child’s mediation journey. 

Some children attend and choose to talk a great deal, whereas some come to us and just draw a few pictures or write a letter to their parents. It’s nice to give them a space to express themselves in a way that they feel comfortable with, such as a favourite toy, or a comforting object that they can hold during the session.   

It’s vital not to try to influence what your child might say to the mediator. This puts a great deal of additional stress on the child and can be anxiety-inducing. Furthermore, it is usually clear when a child is speaking if they are repeating something they feel they should be saying or have been told to say. 

What if I disagree with what my child has said?

We recommend you use the feedback from your child to help you and your ex-partner agree on an arrangement for the future. You don’t have to accept everything your child says but should consider it when formalising your arrangements.  

Parental approval and agreement 

Child inclusive mediation requires the approval and written agreement of anyone with parental responsibility. If either of you withholds your approval, then your child cannot take part in mediation. It’s important to understand that both parents’ consent is necessary for the process to proceed. Once both of you have signed the agreement, your child should be told about the option to take part. You can agree on how and when to tell your child.   

Children’s services

You must tell us if your child is involved with social services or receiving counselling. Your mediator may need to speak to your child’s social worker or counsellor before arranging child inclusive mediation. This ensures that all parties are on the same page and that the mediator can guide the process effectively, avoiding any agreements that the social worker would not support or child inclusive mediation that the social worker or counsellor believes wouldn’t be beneficial. 

Child inclusive mediation and the law

UK law states that children have the right to be consulted on decisions that affect them. Child inclusive mediation aligns with the UN Convention of Child Rights and the 1989 Children’s Act.

Children also have a right to speak to a child counsellor  although, as a parent, you have the right to oppose this.  

The mediator’s notes taken during child inclusive mediation are confidential, ensuring your child’s privacy throughout the process.